tuesday, january 25, 2005
The illegality of matchbooks
Somebody gave my school a bunch of these little matchbook calculators. The administrators asked my Statistics teacher what to do with them. This is part of his discussion with the class (student comments in parentheses):
What would I do as an administrator? I would not give it to the kids. However, being very clever, as I am — (What kids are you talking about?). You. (Why not?) It’s against the law, I think. Uh, because you’re minors. Minors can get them. They promote cigarettes in [certain places], not that you guys aren’t involved in that. I mean, there’s people probably smoking marijuana, crack, cocaine, with these matches, probably 10-12 years old. But, because, I have seen — I have heard of — and know of seven-year-olds who were prostitutes and who were on cocaine, by their own mother. I have seen things that you wouldn’t believe, in this country. I have seen people who are five and six years old involved in espionage, yeah…who in the end killed their entire family — massacred them. So, uh, in this country. I have seen it all.
But…this could be a moneymaker! I would say, I would sell this for as high as five dollars. I have people who could sell these. Five dollars, and then bring the money to the school. Like that? Consider the Mormons, for example. I’ve worked with a lot of them before. They don’t drink sodas — the good Mormons, maybe the jacked Mormons do. They don’t smoke cigarettes, they don’t take liquor. But yet, they sell it. You see. That’s just like some people, uh, uh, selling drugs that wouldn’t want their children taking it — the Sopranos, if you’ve ever watched it. Real mafia. They wouldn’t want them doing that but yet they’re selling them, destroying families, to the point where some of them will lose their job because they’re taking drugs, and they start dragging everyone down with them. They also uh, will be in jail, like a revolving door, and their parents will have to go once a week or twice a week to different prisons around the state, visiting them, and it puts a tremendous strain on them. You love your child, you can’t hurt your child, so it’s the hardest thing in the world to do. You can never put a value on that. So, well, you know.
[A few minutes later] If you knew how much these were made for, you would poopoo in your pants…They’re made in China. I don’t trust China.
See also: Negative vacuums and superconductivity.
comments (4)
Wow.... I thank whatever divine and/or organizational force in the universe that there are still young'uns as smart and ascerbic as you are.
– Mac on 2/1/2005 20:06:51
sounds like your Stats teacher knows a bit more about crack than he lets on...
– nick on 2/3/2005 12:49:05
Proof positive, math will mess up your brain.
– Adam on 2/8/2005 15:23:35
comments are off. for new comments, my email address is brittag@gmail.com.
